Best Sex Tips for Women That Men Really Want
Freud once called female sexuality "the dark continent," and if that's true, then male sexuality might as well be the dark planet. Because when it comes to sex, men are far from simple. As much as they may try to convince us otherwise. The bedroom is one of the great stages of male performance, so what you see on TV is typically far from what can and should be delivered in reality. That's why sex experts chimed in with more accurate insight about what guys really want you to know when the two of you climb into bed. Here are their top sex tips for women.
1. Men respond to praise at sex time.
It's believed that men are so consumed by libido that they have no self-consciousness surrounding sex. But that couldn't be further from the truth. Many are impacted by performance anxiety too, asking themselves questions like, "Will I be able to get an erection?," "Have I gained too much weight?" and, "Will I be able to please her?"
That's when it can be helpful for him to hear compliments both in and out of the bedroom. We suggests starting outside the bedroom, when you can have what she calls a "kitchen table sex talk". That's when your partner can talk about what pressures he's feeling, or what he's self-conscious about. Then, you can boost his confidence.
Once you're in the bedroom (and aware of his insecurities), remind him of how much you enjoy being intimate. For example, if he's worried about the size of it (and other measurable parts), and their hair, as guys tend to feel self-conscious once they start losing it.
2. They appreciate sex for sex.
While intimacy and post-sex cuddling can be wonderful for many men, sometimes a little "throw-me-down sex" is exactly what they want, plain and simple. On occasion, don't be afraid to let him do just that. (So long as it's something you're comfortable with, of course.)
3. Guys want to be touched at sex time.
The penis gets all the press, but men have many erogenous zones, just like women. They just don't tell you to move your hands elsewhere because they're afraid that if they do, women will shut down and not touch them at all. But there are many places a woman should touch, like the chest, inner thighs, and face. Another key move: Gently gripping a man's testicles, as it can be a real turn-on that blends control with release. You can also stimulate the perineum, the area between the scrotum and anus, which heightens pleasure during oral sex.
4. Guys have sexual fantasies.
Men want to share their fantasies but worry their wives will shame or judge them. Men wish women would reveal their own sexual imaginings.
5. Men want you to be vocal at sex time
Talking during sex stimulates more than our ears, as Mintz says heavy breathing, groaning, and moaning are all sounds that we make when we're feeling free, and studies have shown that it's erotic for all parties involved to hear. It's also a great way to really express what you want, which is a huge turn-on for men when they know they're doing exactly what you need to have an orgasm.
6. Speaking of pornography, it isn't always a big deal.
Finding a spouse using pornography is a top reason couples seek counsel. First of all, sex addicts only represent 3-6% of the population, so it's unlikely your man is one.
Still, it's tough not to take it personally when he's getting off by looking at another woman. "Ask him what about it turns him on, and express without anger what turns you off, he says. That way, a dialogue is created that allows for honesty, dignity, and closeness without him feeling like he's doing something shameful, while you can figure out what you're OK with accepting and what you're not.
7. Men want you to embrace sex.
Guys are often accused of being sexually insatiable.
We all move through life at the speed of sound, with multiple challenges and pressures. That makes it easy to allow demands on our time and energy to rob us of the joy, pleasure, and opportunity that sex affords us. And more often than not, sex ends up being at the bottom of a long list of priorities. But viewing sex through a different lens — something you want to do versus have to do — can make all the difference.
Plus, there are health benefits to sex. Orgasms release oxytocin, for example, a hormone that's nicknamed the "bonding hormone" for its ability to bring couples closer together while also alleviating stress, reducing blood pressure, and promoting healing. And who couldn't use more of that?
8. Don’t Fall Into a Sex Routine
Maybe you’re a creature of habit. Maybe you found a move you really like. Maybe there’s a sex position you typically gravitate towards. It’s good to celebrate the stuff you like. But try not to make that the only thing you do during sex. People crave novelty, especially in the context of a long-term relationship. Don’t let sex become monotonous. Make an effort to mix things up.
9. Do Some Sexy Research Together
Bringing new ideas into the bedroom can be a little intimidating. Do yourself a favor and invite your partner to join you on that quest. Watch some porn together. Read some erotica. Talk about what’s out there and discuss what seems appealing to your both. In that way, you and your partner can both avoid the fall out from any awkward rejection.
10. Entertain Different Kinds Of Orgasms
Guys tend to gravitate towards penile orgasms, though it is important to point out that other pleasure centers exist, and are located inside their bodies. The prostate is known to produce such intense orgasms it’s been dubbed “the male G-spot.” It can be accessed internally, through the anus, or externally, via the perineum. The more open-minded you are, the more pleasure you might enjoy.
